When The Hammer Falls

Mike Bodnar reflects on a couple of years of online auction hunting - the bargains and the booby prizes - and shares some top buying tips...

Image: The Drinks Business

We all had to fill in our lockdown time somehow didn't we? Yes, I drank more than I should have (still am TBH), binge-watched many a TV series, and - like so many others - started writing a novel. I'm still only half-way through; watch this space and form an orderly queue. But I also started going to auctions, at least virtually.

To go all historical for a moment, I'm not entirely new to the auction game. Back in the 80s (that's the 1980s, just to be clear) I could regularly be found downtown at the local auction house bidding for either general and household stuff or occasionally antiques and collectibles. I enjoyed the thrill of the chase - consider me a Lovejoy loveable-rogue type - but I also learned some valuable lessons.

One of those was the golden rule of setting your limit on an item and not exceeding it. The aforementioned thrill of the chase, as bidding becomes frantic, has seen many a punter pay way over the odds for a lot and bitterly regret it afterwards. Don't let that person be you.

A second major tip, if you're attending an auction in person, is to always stand at the back of the room so that you can see who you're bidding against. The good thing about this is that you

See who your competition is. Image: Lending Expert

can gauge how enthusiastic or otherwise your competition is; if they're increasingly hesitant as they bid higher then it's likely they're close to their limit. Of course this doesn't apply to online bidding where everyone's invisible.

And while we're on the intricacies, let's explode a myth about auctions. Just because the auctioneer is taking bids and you inadvertently cough, sneeze or swat at a passing fly, it's most unlikely that you'll find yourself accidentally buying a £5 million Banksy artwork. Auctioneers are very astute when it comes to recognising genuine bids over nasal irritations or pest control.

Anyway, that was the '80s. There followed a bit

Not all auctioneers are good photographers...

 of a gap in my auction-going, and by the time I'd renewed my interest Covid had come along and put a stop to all manner of public gatherings in confined spaces. Unlike the hospitality sector though, where restaurants, bars and theatres suffered hugely, the auction game carried on online instead, with bidders registering with a particular auction and able to bid from the comfort of home. The only downside was the inability to go and view the lots on sale; instead we were left scrutinising photos on our computer screens or phones, and I can tell you that while most auctioneers know their business backwards, they're not all good photographers. So there was increased risk in online bidding due simply to the fact that you couldn't pop down to the auction house and inspect the goods.

My third tip tip therefore is: do your homework. All auctioneers are on the end of the phone and will be happy to give you more detail about a lot, and maybe even post more detailed images, so if in doubt, ask. Your homework should also however include some online research, particularly to help identify the likely value of a lot.

Image: chards.co,uk

The beauty of the Internet is that you only have to type in, say, 1965 Winston Churchill crown and you will quickly find that - spoiler alert - it's sadly not worth anything more than the five shillings it represented at the time of minting. Which is a bit of a bugger as I've got one. On the other hand you might stumble across a George III rosewood tea caddy in an auction and discover that an exact same box is for sale through an antiques dealer for almost £600, while the estimate the auctioneer has placed on it might be somewhere between £80 and £120. But that brings us to another important tip: don't get too excited about the estimates!

Auctioneers often put estimates on lots to manage your expectations (or even just possibly to inflate the value of an item? Maybe?). Sometimes a lot will have a reserve - a minimum amount agreed with the seller which determines the lowest amount it will be sold for. But the upper end of the price could be anything and is usually determined by how fierce the competition is among the bidders. So, your research should help you decide what you personally will be prepared to pay for something at auction, the actual value being somewhere between the auctioneer's estimate and the commercial value of it if bought through a retailer. But that brings us to the reason for your bidding.

Art is a matter of personal taste. Love it? Buy it!
Image: Great Western Auctions Ltd.

If you're going to bid on an item because it's something that really appeals to you, something you've always wanted, an item say that would be absolutely perfect to fill that empty niche in your study, or a piece of art that is of something or somewhere that resonates with you, then you're bidding from the heart, which can be a dangerous thing if you bid too high. On the other hand, if you really love the object, well, maybe it's worth it.

But if, as I do occasionally, you're bidding on something with the sole aim of selling it on to make a few quid, then you owe it to yourself to accurately determine its resale value before bidding, knowing how much you're wanting to make on it, and taking into account the extra costs involved such as the auction registration fee, the buyer's premium (basically a commission payment), and any packing and delivery charges. 

You can do all the research and hard work you like, but there's also a real element of luck, as I know from personal experience, so permit me to gloat for a moment or two. 

Image: Anon. to save embarrassment

Not all auctioneers are equal in their abilities to accurately catalogue a lot. Some may not even know what an item is, and therefore they go for a minimal description, as happened when I saw our local auction house (name withheld to avoid excruciating embarrassment to them) auctioneer Paul (name changed etc.) describe one particular lot as 'Vintage box'. Now I like small old wooden boxes, but I recognised that this was most likely a tea caddy, apparently made of mahogany. It was included in a general auction rather than a specialist antique sale, which meant my fellow invisible online bidders were less likely to be antique experts. So it proved. When the hammer fell I found I'd bought the box for £14, (£16.80 including fees).

After getting it home and learning a lot more about it (including that it actually was a tea

caddy) I was able to do some more definitive research online. It turned out to be a George III rosewood mahogany tea caddy by Chippendale circa 1780, one of which I found for sale by an antiques dealer for £580 (see pic.). Almost more excitingly I discovered that it has a secret compartment designed to hold the tea mixing spoon, so suddenly it was becoming a real Famous Five type-of find. "I say Julian, just look at this dashed secret compartment! What luck! Timmy, come back with that box you little rascal!"

Of course my initial thought was 'Profit!!!', but we've decided it's too nice a piece to sell just to make a few bucks, so it now resides with us. It's fun challenging guests to find the secret compartment.

Image: Anon. to save embarrassment, again!

A similar thing happened when I saw what appeared to be a vintage tin-plate model biplane in an auction. This time I was able to find it online before the sale, advertised in the USA at US$189. I successfully bid £16, and once again I could hear the lovely ringing of cash registers. But to my surprise my wife Liz loves it, so now it hangs mid-air above the desk in the office in a sort of static victory fly-past.

Not everything has turned out well. I wasted a few quid on a star projector which turned out to be very cheaply made and no use at all, and four bottles of sparkling wine that turned out to have no sparkle and even worse taste, but then wine-buying is always fraught with risk. The annoying thing was not being able to drink it to forget, it was that bad. And I had a close call with a wireless touchpad keyboard which turned out to be not the qwerty English type (despite the picture on the box) but a central European qwertz keyboard. Luckily I was able to on-sell it to a European gent who seemed pleased with the deal. 

My rationale for all this buying and selling is simple: I aim to make sufficient profit on those items I on-sell to offset the cost of those that I wish to keep, so ultimately - even without selling the antique tea caddy at enormous profit - I have still ended up owning a heap of stuff that's cost nothing.

To be fair I put a real effort into marketing the on-sell items to best effect, and I always try and take multiple high quality images supported by accurate and detailed descriptions to attract buyers. I haven't had any complaints. But don't get me wrong, some items prove hard to move and one has to be patient. I currently have a new Landrover Discovery power steering pump that's proving hard to sell, but then I did only pay £5 for it. 

I use Facebook Marketplace to offload most items as there are no selling fees. In the past few months or so I've sold a Victorian silver plate wine funnel, a trail wildlife camera, at least three watches, a wireless microphone, two zoom camera lenses, a model Spanish galleon, and a violin.

Not a reproduction. Cost £10; value at least £150

But there is enormous pleasure in successfully bidding on something that turns out to be valuable, such as the used-but-working Citizen Eco-watch that was listed as a reproduction. I took a risk and got it for £10, then took it to a watchmaker who confirmed it was the genuine article. New they sell today for £600, and even second-hand rarely go for less than £150.

I told the auctioneer about it and he just chuckled and said, 'That's the fun of auctions I guess'. He took it well I thought. Then he told me about how he made a major error in the first few weeks of starting his auction business: 'Some bloke bought a pair of jeans from an early lost and found sale,' Paul said, 'and after he'd collected them he took them home and checked the pockets... and found $3,000 in Canadian dollars!' He chuckled again, and added, 'We don't sell lost luggage items any more - too much hassle.' 

I couldn't bring myself to tell him what the 'vintage box' was worth.

Where I do my online auction buying: Easy Live Auction