If I were a rich man...

Image courtesy Al Jazeera

I don't want £76 million, writes Mike Bodnar...

Money. Wealth. Ooh those words, they conjure up some great images don't they? Being debt-free, travelling first class, living in a mansion. Or, if you're more philanthropically inclined, helping the needy, supporting education and welfare. Perhaps giving anonymous donations to people and causes. Surprising a busker with £100 in their hat.

Well unless your name is Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos or a few of the other obscenely wealthy people in this world, you will be just like the rest of us – dreamers. And it's the dream of wealth that makes lotteries so attractive. But there's a problem. Whereas Bezos et al have gained their wealth through commercial enterprise (and let's not go into the ethics of that here please), the rest of us struggling to make ends meet on salaries or benefits need a short cut to wealth.

As with wealth, so there is greed. The more you have the more you want; witness the world's largest and wealthiest companies and individuals with their funds 'offshore' to avoid paying tax. But I'm not here to moan about tax avoidance or evasion. It's the use of greed by the lottery organisations themselves that disturbs me.

As I write this I can, within the next few days, win £8.5 million on Lotto, £76 million on Euromillions, and if I have New Zealand residency, NZ$50 million (a smidgen over £25 million in sterling). Last week I missed out on having £44 million deposited in my bank account, despite using my favourite numbers.

The so-called 'jackpotting' of prizes means that small prize pools eventually, over time, can become huge prizes, which drives the deprived and desperate into a frenzy. They buy even more lines in the draw, spending more money on the increasingly remote possibility of becoming unimaginably wealthy. (And when I say 'they', yes, I am excluding myself because not only can I not afford to indulge in lots of lines or tickets I don't actually want £76 million. Seriously. Read on...)

What happens when prizes become salivatingly enormous is that common sense goes out the window. People forget that the more tickets the population buys the more diminished the chances are of winning. (I will tell you how to increase your chances of winning in a moment. Meanwhile the rant continues...)

Look at it from a simple church fair raffle perspective. If the vicar is selling raffle tickets for a picnic hamper and they cost a pound each, and there are only 200 tickets being sold, then if you buy one ticket you stand a one-in-200 chance of winning. Buy two and your chances double, and so on. Buy all 200 and you've won (but you've paid £200 for a £40 picnic hamper, duh). At that local village scale it's easy to understand, plus the number of tickets is capped.

With a national lottery, tickets will be sold right up to the last minute to as many desperadoes

Hmm, what would you buy? (Image: Wikimedia)

as want them, thereby reducing your chances of winning the major prize as each minute ticks buy until the draw is closed. But the lotteries people use this massive jackpot prize to whip up a frenzy of buying.

But let's get to my main gripe: who wants £76 million anyway? (Okay, hands down, don't be silly. Maybe the word isn't 'want' so much as 'needs'). 

As I've said, I don't. I wouldn't know what to do with £76 million quid. Maybe buy a small village in the Cotswolds. No, I would be very happy with one million, even a lot less. A win large enough to pay off the mortgage and get the family together for a holiday somewhere nice would be perfect. Oh, and maybe a bit more to make up for the fact that I don't qualify for a pension, but that's another story.

So, my plea to the lotteries organisations is that they stop appealing to our greed by marketing the attraction of massive jackpot prizes and instead cap all monetary prizes at £1 million pounds per winner. I think we can agree that if you won a million you'd be very happy, right? Then by all means let the prize jackpot to £76 million, but let's have 76 people become millionaires.

That way your chances of winning a substantial amount of money increases, there are more winners, and the country would suddenly have 76 new millionaires contributing to the economy. No individual needs £76 million quid, but I'm one of at least 76 who could do with one million. Lotteries people take note.

Now to the bit you've been waiting for: how to increase your chances of winning in a lottery. I learned this from someone who worked for the New Zealand Lotteries Commission and it makes sense to me.

Let's say you spend £5 a week on buying a lottery ticket. That means that each week you have maybe two or three lines of numbers, which is the limit of your chance of winning. If you had more lines you'd have more chances, but you don't want to spend more than five quid a week because you know your limits.

So don't spend five quid a week. Instead, save it, and the next week, and the week after and so on for six weeks. Then you have £30 which you spend on the one lottery. Now you've got six times the chance of winning something in that lottery, and you haven't spent any more than you usually do. Simples, as a meerkat might say.

Of course there's always the chance you'll just end up with one of those silly 'lucky dip' tickets as a prize, or unlucky dips as they should be called, but that's another gripe and I think we've had enough for today.

Good luck.