Fifty-five Million Reasons to Change the Lottery System

 Mike Bodnar wants more people to win lotteries...

As I write this, the New Zealand lottery has 'jackpotted' to NZ$55 million. Even if I don't buy a
ticket for the next draw, there's one thing I will bet on: many, many more people will do just that. Because greed. Or desperation. Or because they've just been pulled back off the road by a stranger who saved them from stepping in front of a bus, and the hero says, 'Think you'd better buy a lottery ticket, mate.'

Whatever, everyone, it seems, wants to be super wealthy. For this we can perhaps blame Bezos, Musk, Thiel and all the other multi-billionaires around the world - along with the wealthy celebs (I'm lookin' at you, Taylor Swift) - who are able to indulge in their every whim regardless of cost. Musk et al don't even have to book first class, because, of course, they have their own jets. They certainly wouldn't ever wonder how they were going to pay the next winter energy bill. Why would you when you could just buy the energy company?

I mean, imagine having an income of US$1 trillion annually (which Musk is in line for after 75% of his shareholders voted in favour of the obscene 'salary.' Seriously.); that's over $83 billion a month, or $19 billion per week, or - imagine it - $2.7 billion per day. Nobody, I repeat, nobody can spend that kind of money on a daily basis. They could give it away of course, but do they? By and large, no.

To scale that down a bit, someone in Aotearoa/New Zealand could, this week, win NZ$55 million, which, even without investing it, would mean a daily income of over $150,000 dollars. Even this relatively miniscule amount (compared to the billionaires and trillionaires) would be almost impossible to spend. It would, however, be easier to give away, but there's no guarantee that a winner will automatically be a philanthropist. Probably just the -pist bit.

However, if the winner took it all (there's a song in that...) and did spend at that rate, they
would have a zero bank balance in about 12 months. So, some investment would be prudent, along with judicious spending and ongoing fund management. I could help with that.

I would, though, argue that nobody in Aotearoa/New Zealand needs $55 million. Nobody. Unless - and it's a big unless - they really are of a philanthropic nature and wish to set up educational trusts for example, say in multi-disciplinary areas for the less advantaged. There's no shortage of need. But - to use an appropriate analogy - what are the odds?

Speaking of need however, there are almost certainly 55 people in the country who could absolutely do with 'just' a million dollars, and many, many more who would be very happy with, say, a quarter of that - to pay off the mortgage maybe, help the kids get on the property ladder, or pay off student loans. Or yes, go on a cruise or buy a new car. I know this because I'm one of them. And because, well, wealth.

You can see where I'm going with this; $55 million is an obscene amount of money for one person to win. Nobody needs that amount, so I propose that the Lotteries Commission caps each jackpot at - ooh, let's think for a moment - $10 million, and, when it reaches that, they guarantee ten winners of $1 million each. The jackpot never gets to be more than $10 million, and each time it does reach that, well, there are ten massive parties in different parts of the country to gate-crash. Just listen for the pop of champagne corks. And form an orderly queue, behind me.

I mean, if this week's draw were to guarantee 55 winners of $1 million each, that would create  55 new millionaires in New Zealand. Look what that might do for local economies. Plus - while there's still the potential for family squabbling over the spoils - $1 million is a far more manageable amount than $55 million. Life-enhancing perhaps, rather than totally life-changing.

I'd also wager that knowing there are going to be 55 guaranteed millionaires after

This time next week...

Saturday's draw (the biggest to date btw), more people would be inclined to buy tickets for it. Which means the odds of you winning decrease. At least, that's how it seems to me, but I'm no statistician.

And yes, I know, creating more millionaire potential opens up a whole new debate about the dangers of encouraging more gambling - the increased mental salivation that goes with a greater chance of winning, but I'm sticking with the proposal of a more equitable distribution of the lottery winnings here. There are already mechanisms in place to monitor and restrict gambling amounts, though the efficacy of them is a debate for different forum.

Anyway, rant over. You know what I'm going to do now, don't you? Of course you do. And of course I am. But if I win the full amount you can look forward to the establishment of the Mike Bodnar Foundation for Students of All Ages Who Want a Degree in Anything They Can't Currently Afford. Or something like that. Sure, I'll certainly be -pist, but I will also be a philanthropist.

Wish me luck.

Rock and a Hard Place

Rich at last! Image: NBC News

I am pleased to announce that I am retiring. This will be my last blog ever, because I am now filthy rich and privileged. So you can all sod off.

Not that I've ever been able to monetise my blogs – they command audiences in the tens, occasionally the low hundreds. 'Wow! We must take out advertising around these!' said no business ever.

No, I am now able to put my feet up in the literal sense – no need to work, to save, to scrounge – because all my financial problems are solved, but it's nothing to do with my blogging.

It's entirely thanks to email acquaintances of mine – very generous acquaintances – who keep showering me with gifts, windfalls, and who insist on putting vast amounts of money in my bank and/or PayPal accounts. I am also a cryptocurrency millionaire (if not billionaire) due to some anonymous but very welcome Bitcoin donors.

It keeps coming too. Today I received £208,450.76p (thank you ONPID:JZ) with a further US$36,984.39 waiting in the wings and which I can access as soon as I confirm my account details. I have also just won an iPhone 11, I'm into the exciting second round of a draw to win a £100 KFC voucher, and I'm a 'possible' winner of a £1000 Primark Gift Card. I can hardly contain myself.

I have inherited China's economy...

My only concern is that my computer is, apparently, infected (which will be fixed as soon as I share my bank details with the correspondent), and I have a 'very-urgent' message (see pic).

This takes the tarnish off my cash windfalls and surprise vouchers somewhat, as I now don't know whether I've just inherited China's economy or not, although looking further down the text I notice a pumpkin emoji, so maybe I have to wait till 31 October to access my windfall from the Ka-Ching Dynasty.

But still. It's good to know that the bastards at New Zealand's Government – and the Inland Revenue Department in particular – who refuse to give me my pension, can now take a hike. In fact, I will soon be able to buy the whole of New Zealand anyway, and one of my first tasks will be to fire everyone in the IRD and eliminate the department altogether.

Why? Because – and this is a cautionary tale for any ex-pat Brits living in New Zealand and thinking of retiring back to dear old Blighty or anywhere else outside of Aotearoa – New Zealand does not give you your pension if you move overseas. Let me rant for a moment.

I paid my taxes fair and square for over 40 years as a worker in New Zealand. I always did my best to cough up what I owed, even engaging tax accountants to ensure I paid what was due in full. Always. Let me reiterate: I did this for 40-plus years. And now, because I've moved back to Britain I get nothing. Zip. Nada. Kahore he mea.

So long Brit suckers. Image: NZ Customs

Whereas those Brits who retired to New Zealand – or are about to – receive their British pensions without question. They do pass Go and they do collect £200. Or more. Unfortunately, for people like me it's a non-reciprocal arrangement.

Worse – but this is my fault – I have been able to work in the UK only since returning full-time in 2014; For me to be eligible for a UK pension I need to have worked here and paid taxes for at least ten years. So here I am caught between a rock and a hard place. No pension from NZ, no pension from the UK. (I use the term 'UK' loosely, as there is little evidence that it's united about anything. And don't get me started on 'GB'...)

Image: Civil Service World

I am of course allowed to work here, except that ageism is rampant, just as much as racism, genderism, and any other -isms you care to mention. There is no way I can get a job now at the age of 66, unless it's voluntary, and that would mean no pay-as-you-earn taxation, so it wouldn't contribute towards a pension anyway. However, in a way that's not the point; I am entitled to retire, but can't afford to. I am entitled to work, but nobody wants me. (Did I hear sobbing?)

Thank God then for my online benefactors. I've just checked my emails for updates and am pleased to announce that to add to my Bitcoin gazillionaire status I've just won a gift from supermarket chain Aldi, while New Zealand's star rugby player Sonny Bill Williams apparently has some investment advice for me, advice that – I'm assured – has 'experts in awe and big banks terrified.'

Trolls in New Zealand will, of course, say it serves me right for changing countries in the first place. Trolls in the dis-United Kingdom will say the same. Okay, maybe I was wrong. But if you're reading this and you're young enough to be considering a life-changing move somewhere overseas, do your retirement homework first.

Either that or I can put you in touch with my online financial benefactors. All I need are your bank details, PIN number and password.

If I were a rich man...

Image courtesy Al Jazeera

I don't want £76 million, writes Mike Bodnar...

Money. Wealth. Ooh those words, they conjure up some great images don't they? Being debt-free, travelling first class, living in a mansion. Or, if you're more philanthropically inclined, helping the needy, supporting education and welfare. Perhaps giving anonymous donations to people and causes. Surprising a busker with £100 in their hat.

Well unless your name is Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos or a few of the other obscenely wealthy people in this world, you will be just like the rest of us – dreamers. And it's the dream of wealth that makes lotteries so attractive. But there's a problem. Whereas Bezos et al have gained their wealth through commercial enterprise (and let's not go into the ethics of that here please), the rest of us struggling to make ends meet on salaries or benefits need a short cut to wealth.

As with wealth, so there is greed. The more you have the more you want; witness the world's largest and wealthiest companies and individuals with their funds 'offshore' to avoid paying tax. But I'm not here to moan about tax avoidance or evasion. It's the use of greed by the lottery organisations themselves that disturbs me.

As I write this I can, within the next few days, win £8.5 million on Lotto, £76 million on Euromillions, and if I have New Zealand residency, NZ$50 million (a smidgen over £25 million in sterling). Last week I missed out on having £44 million deposited in my bank account, despite using my favourite numbers.

The so-called 'jackpotting' of prizes means that small prize pools eventually, over time, can become huge prizes, which drives the deprived and desperate into a frenzy. They buy even more lines in the draw, spending more money on the increasingly remote possibility of becoming unimaginably wealthy. (And when I say 'they', yes, I am excluding myself because not only can I not afford to indulge in lots of lines or tickets I don't actually want £76 million. Seriously. Read on...)

What happens when prizes become salivatingly enormous is that common sense goes out the window. People forget that the more tickets the population buys the more diminished the chances are of winning. (I will tell you how to increase your chances of winning in a moment. Meanwhile the rant continues...)

Look at it from a simple church fair raffle perspective. If the vicar is selling raffle tickets for a picnic hamper and they cost a pound each, and there are only 200 tickets being sold, then if you buy one ticket you stand a one-in-200 chance of winning. Buy two and your chances double, and so on. Buy all 200 and you've won (but you've paid £200 for a £40 picnic hamper, duh). At that local village scale it's easy to understand, plus the number of tickets is capped.

With a national lottery, tickets will be sold right up to the last minute to as many desperadoes

Hmm, what would you buy? (Image: Wikimedia)

as want them, thereby reducing your chances of winning the major prize as each minute ticks buy until the draw is closed. But the lotteries people use this massive jackpot prize to whip up a frenzy of buying.

But let's get to my main gripe: who wants £76 million anyway? (Okay, hands down, don't be silly. Maybe the word isn't 'want' so much as 'needs'). 

As I've said, I don't. I wouldn't know what to do with £76 million quid. Maybe buy a small village in the Cotswolds. No, I would be very happy with one million, even a lot less. A win large enough to pay off the mortgage and get the family together for a holiday somewhere nice would be perfect. Oh, and maybe a bit more to make up for the fact that I don't qualify for a pension, but that's another story.

So, my plea to the lotteries organisations is that they stop appealing to our greed by marketing the attraction of massive jackpot prizes and instead cap all monetary prizes at £1 million pounds per winner. I think we can agree that if you won a million you'd be very happy, right? Then by all means let the prize jackpot to £76 million, but let's have 76 people become millionaires.

That way your chances of winning a substantial amount of money increases, there are more winners, and the country would suddenly have 76 new millionaires contributing to the economy. No individual needs £76 million quid, but I'm one of at least 76 who could do with one million. Lotteries people take note.

Now to the bit you've been waiting for: how to increase your chances of winning in a lottery. I learned this from someone who worked for the New Zealand Lotteries Commission and it makes sense to me.

Let's say you spend £5 a week on buying a lottery ticket. That means that each week you have maybe two or three lines of numbers, which is the limit of your chance of winning. If you had more lines you'd have more chances, but you don't want to spend more than five quid a week because you know your limits.

So don't spend five quid a week. Instead, save it, and the next week, and the week after and so on for six weeks. Then you have £30 which you spend on the one lottery. Now you've got six times the chance of winning something in that lottery, and you haven't spent any more than you usually do. Simples, as a meerkat might say.

Of course there's always the chance you'll just end up with one of those silly 'lucky dip' tickets as a prize, or unlucky dips as they should be called, but that's another gripe and I think we've had enough for today.

Good luck.