The End of the World (as we know it)

Yay! Covid-19 party time! Lots of socialising, drinks, laughter, sunshine. Yes, all of that actually, though still with guests maintaining a safe two-metre distance from each other. Between you, me and the garden fence, there was also er, a garden fence or two.

See, last Sunday, with the weather predicted to be sunny with a high of 20 degrees Celsius, we decided it was time to hold a garden party to stave off the incarceration blues. Luckily, we have neighbours either side also with gardens, so the aim was to have three garden parties at once, and chat over the fences, though avoiding clinking glasses with each other. In short, it was an outdoor, government disapproved-of gathering, except it didn't break any of the lockdown rules. Hugs were virtual, kisses were in the air. I carried a broom to ensure others were at a safe remove.

Sunbathers will be arrested!

I realise not everyone has the benefit of a garden, and we're thankful that we have a small patch of grass on which to sit, lie, and - later in the afternoon - stumble and collapse on. It also helped that both fences are low, so chatting to the neighbours was easy. And this was on the same day that health secretary Hatt Mancock had said that if we all didn't behave ourselves and stay at home the government would introduce more drastic lockdown powers and take away the right to exercise outside. Bollocks to that we all said and filled our glasses.

I'd like to bet Hancock has a garden in which to sunbathe and ease the cares of his undoubtedly busy days. He certainly won't be out of a job either. But it seemed to me that this business of saying 'behave or else' is nothing short of blackmail: 'Stay indoors, don't go to the park or beach, do not sunbathe, or else granny gets it' was the metaphorical message, delivered in random letters cut out of the Conservative manifesto and glued to the back of an old 'Keep Calm and Carry On' poster.

Wouldn't it have been better for the government (I hate the way that word starts with 'gove'...) to simply say, if you have a garden use it for sunbathing and exercise during the fine weather and don't go to a public space. If you don't have a garden or even a balcony, you can go to a public area for exercise but you must maintain social distancing as already recommended'? Yes it would. No need for discussion.

The shape of things to come?

That way, everybody gets their dose of rays and vitamin D appropriately. As we sat or stood in our gardens having this very conversation, we couldn't understand how we - three urban couples with none of us working in Number 10 (not weird enough to be on Dom's recruitment list. Ed.) - could develop a 'sunshine policy' of such wisdom while all the government could think of doing was waving a big stick and shouting.

From the speakers on the balcony songs were playing from a 'Covid-19 Playlist' we'd developed. Each song title had something to do with incarceration, escape, illness, or predictions of doom, and included such gems as 'Don't Stand So Close to Me', 'You Can't Always Get What You Want', and 'Take My Breath Away'. We discovered that the Rolling Stones even have a song called 'Ventilator Blues' - who knew?? (The full playlist is attached at the end of this piece should you want to use it)

We swapped isolation stories, shopping stories, talked about what we'd been eating, had stocks of (wine!) or were short of. Working from home experiences were also shared (another glass darling?), and there was talk of how much weight we'd all been putting on despite the exercise. Oh, and I'm fairly sure we touched on the collapse of civilisation as R.E.M.'s 'It's the End of the World as We Know It' streamed in the background.

Aftermath. Oh the humanity!

There were differing opinions as to whether we were facing the final countdown or that we were on the eve of destruction, but we all agreed there was something in the air and that we wanted to break free. Was a virus ever as toe-tapping and singalong as this?

Okay yes I'm being somewhat flippant, and you might argue that given the circumstance this isn't the time nor the place for jest, but there has been humour somewhere every time there's been adversity. I say this as a certain fact and without having done extensive research to prove it, but in both the world wars (to date) soldiers and the civilians left behind minding the shop made up songs and ditties, joked about the Bosch or Hitler, and, well, in the end you've gotta laugh or you'd go mad.

Our garden party was as much an act of defiance against the virus as anything else, and assuming Boris and the Cabinet aren't planning to instigate police shoot-to-kill policies against any and all revellers, there will be other social events. When this virus is knocked on the head the nation will hold the mother of all parties, and this time there will be hugging, kissing and backslapping up close and personal. There will be singing. All together now: 'We Are The Champions My Friend...'

The Covid-19 Playlist (in no particular order)

Oxygene pt 4 - Jean-Michel Jarre
The air that I breathe - Hollies
Take my breath away - Berlin
Don't stand so close to me - The Police
I will survive - Gloria Gaynor
Doctor doctor - Thompson Twins
Bad case of loving you - Robert Palmer
Fever - Elvis
Eve of Destruction - Barry McGuire
Dust in the wind - Kansas
Road to nowhere - Talking Heads
Isolation - Joy Division
Climbing up the walls - Radiohead
It's the end of the world as we know it - R.E.M.
Waiting for the end of the world - Elvis Costello
Anarchy in the UK - sex pistols
Counting flowers on the wall - Peggy Lee
I want to break free - Queen
We Gotta get out of this place - The Animals
All along the watchtower - Jimi Hendrix
Stayin' alive - Bee Gees
The final countdown - Europe
Downtown - Petula Clark
Disease - Matchbox 20
All by myself - Eric Carmen (but lots of covers)
Just the two of us - Bill Withers
Unchain my heart - Joe Cocker
Help - The Beatles
We are family - Sister Sledge
Sick as a dog - Aerosmith
Set me free - The Kinks
Things can only get better - d:ream
Ventilator Blues - Rolling Stones (seriously! Who knew?!)
Something in the air - David Bowie
Get off of my cloud - Rolling Stones
You can't always get what you want - Rolling Stones
...and, because our house is wedged between the neighbours... Stuck in the Middle with You - Stealer's Wheel