Putting Our Nationality Behind Us

 Mike Bodnar contemplates the bumpy road ahead for drivers after leaving the EU...

The now-compulsory UK sticker

One of the consequences of leaving the European Union is that drivers of British cars, when they journey overseas, must now display a specific sticker on their rear identifying their country of residence. Not on their bums obviously, on the rear of their vehicles. Come on now, behave.

Prior to joining the EU in 1972, such stickers were common, and declared the vehicle to be from Great Britain, with the initials GB, black on a white oval background. Upon becoming part of Europe however, these stickers were no longer necessary, since registration plates were changed to include a small ‘GB’ featuring the lovely EU yellow stars. In style and presentation they matched all the other EU number plates, and signified a unity, a togetherness.

But now that Britain has left, divorced, withdrawn and retrenched, we are once again faced with having to declare our nationality on our rears, except now the stickers have been changed from ‘GB’ to ‘UK.’ And we aren’t allowed to use the attractive yellow stars or the EU’s blue background.

Apparently we only learned of this through the United Nations, which issued a memo. But it wasn’t a decree from the Eurocrats – it came from Westminster. A Department for Transport spokesperson told the BBC: ‘Changing the national identifier from GB to UK symbolises our unity as a nation and is part of a wider move towards using the UK signifier across government. We notified the UN of our intention to make these changes in July, and have been working with the sector to implement the change.’

Searching for a United Kingdom

So we are no longer Great Britain apparently, but that much has been obvious for quite some time. There’s little that’s great about a country as torn by racism, crime, homophobia, homelessness, political incompetence, and a mishandling of a pandemic that’s been, well, plagued by ill health from the start, as we are.

Tellingly, the requirement for us to now declare ourselves as being from the UK underlines that we are not part of the Europe Club any more; instead we are on our own, against Europe, independent, maybe even adrift. But – and here I finally arrive at my point - united we are definitely not.

We have the north-south divide in England, Scotland seeks independence, there’s an almost equal split between those Brits who wanted to leave Europe and those who wanted to remain in the EU, an increasing political chasm between the Tories, Labour and any of the other parties, and a general unease about how we should manage ourselves and our international reputation from here on. And I haven’t even mentioned the rich and the increasingly poor. There is little sign of unity.

However, the prospect of bumper stickers declaring us to be from the Disunited Kingdom are slim, since DK is already taken (by Denmark). NSGB would be appropriate, since we’re not-so-Great Britain now, but presents problems to those who design and print the stickers themselves. Instead of being a neat oval, the NSGB sticker would have to be more of a sausage shape. Not a German sausage note - a good old Cumbrian sausage. Or maybe a black pudding. NSUK also invites a wealth of derision. NSUK on this, etc.

Disunited Kingdom might work as DUK, but would open the way for references to dead ducks, duck for cover, and so on. So no, we’ll have no derision here thank you.

Anyway, United Kingdom? I think not. We haven’t had a kingdom since George VI, and although there’s a candidate pacing up and down in the wings as we speak (and has been for decades), we are a Queendom, and have been since 1952. One, at least, is not amused.

But mentioning the Royal Family brings up another thorn in our side, since we are increasingly divided over the relevance of the monarchy. The republican movement might well be rubbing their hands in anticipation of radical change, but the vehicle sticker designers will be holding their heads in their hands in fear of having to squeeze REPUBGB into a standard oval. We’re not talking a sausage shape here; we’re talking a whole salami. But then that’s Italian and would never do, no, no, no.

Maybe we just need to honestly declare ourselves a Free United Kingdom in Disarray.