Sole Searching

Mike Bodnar pounds the pavements in search of fulfilment

It's blowing a northerly gale and I don't want to go out running in it.

Actually, it could be the most perfect day on earth and I wouldn't want to go running. But the problem is I have signed up for a 10 kilometre 'fun run' (I use the term 'fun' here loosely), and I have just 26 days until the Big Event. I have only myself to blame.

For those stuck in an imperial past, 10 kms is 6.2 miles, so basically just under a quarter of a marathon. Unlike the original Marathon Man, I would therefore never have made it to Athens to deliver the news that the Greeks had trounced the Persians, but then I wouldn't have died as a result either. No news is good news in this case.

So why am I doing this? Let's add some context. This year I turn 70 - hard to believe I know, but there you are. I have a certificate to prove it. It's called a Birth Certificate. And I haven't run for anything other than a train or a bus in about 20 years, so I am not to be seen pounding the pavements or anything like it on a regular basis. Nor am I a gym bunny. My idea of exercise is leaping to conclusions.

But, as with most years, my wife Liz and I are trying to do 'Dry January', where we give up drinking alcohol for the whole month, 1) to allow our livers to recover from the festive season pounding, and 2) to prove to ourselves we can do it - and hopefully feel the better for it. But for me, oh no, that wasn't enough, was it? No, I had to go further. 

I happened to stumble across an item online announcing that this year's Round The Bays Fun Run is to be held on 18th of February, and foolishly I thought, well, why not add a bit of exercise to the non-drinking thing and see what happens? At the worst I won't be able to run that distance, but I do like walking, and walking the 10kms is an option if the running doesn't work out. So I paid the registration fee.

Am I mad or what? (Hold off answering please until you've read a bit more)

No, not entirely loopy. I ran a couple of half-marathons back in the 1980s and did so in quite reasonable times. In those days I would run for enjoyment (I know, right?), and I did actually sometimes reach that 'zone' that runners talk about, where you achieve a certain physical and mental satisfaction - if not a kick - simply from running a decent distance. It's a buzz, a fix.

1987 half-marathon, that's me in the middle, post-run

But as I said earlier, running for a bus is about all I've done in recent years, although I am at least blessed with legs, hips and knees that still work okay, and walking, even long distances, isn't a problem.

One doesn't, however, at the age of 69 just slip on some running shoes and head out the door for a five kilometre jog; that would be foolish and possibly even dangerous. No, one is supposed to build up both distance and stamina over time, and so there are schedules available online showing how far to run each day (or even if to run - there are rest days), and how to increase your distance gradually over time. Which is what I've been doing.

It's been going okay, but I have to be honest, I really don't want to do it. Yesterday for example was my weekly 'rest day', i.e. no running at all. Lovely. It was also 29 degrees Celsius (84 F) so I  shouldn't have been running in heat like that anyway. Instead I lay on the sun lounger and drank zero-alcohol beer.

Today though I'm supposed to be out for another training run, and I just don't want to go. It's very windy, and that seems like a good excuse. The Clash is singing in my head right now: Should I stay or should I go? Followed by the lines: If you run it is a slog... So stay at home and write a blog. Which is exactly what I'm doing.

It's a delaying tactic. I'm good at those. I should write a self-help book on delaying tactics, and maybe I will. One day. Maybe.

But I will run today. I know I will, because in the past three weeks I've gone from not being able to jog even a kilometre, to now running 4.42 kms non-stop. Plus I've lost around 3 kgs (6.6 lbs) in weight, although given that I'm not drinking alcohol it's likely to be a combination of that plus the exercise that's doing it. I needed to lose weight anyway as I was developing what's known as a roof over the tool shed.

It's helped that at weekends my son comes running with me and is gracious enough to shuffle along at my pace rather than his more lengthy lope. I suspect he also knows how to make sure he stays in my will. It's good to have a running buddy though and I look forward to our runs together. But because he works Monday to Friday I find myself having to train alone during the weekdays, which makes it harder. As does Wellington's wind today. Oh the reasons not to go running are mounting up!

The training advice online says that if you are in pain from running then you should stop, particularly at my age. I do actually have a bit of a twinge behind my knees, another excuse to stay home, but if I'm honest it's not really bad, and I know that when I start running I won't notice it.

And then there's the people, the crowds. I had planned to run today along the waterfront, and now it's lunchtime which means there'll be lots of people promenading, getting in the way, blocking my path. Yes, I should just stay home. There's always tomorrow, or the next day. Maybe I'll just do some sit-ups and push-ups, a few stretching exercises. The deck is sheltered and the sun lounger is calling to me. There's a cold 0% alcohol beer in the fridge.

Oh sod it. I'm going for a run. See you later.

The Book of the Year! Success for Unity!

 Actually, my apologies, I think I’ve transposed the headline; maybe it should be The Year of the Book, since 2023 was when I completed and published my first spy novel, Unity. Thank you, thanks. Wonderful. No really, there’s no need. Oh all right, keep going… (takes a bow, accepts flowers)

Was Unity a success? Well, that's a good question, but it might not be the best way to ask it. I’m reminded of when Bilbo wishes the wizard Gandalf good morning: Gandalf looked at him from under long bushy eyebrows that stuck out further than the brim of his shady hat. “What do you mean?” he said. “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”

I’m no wizard (and some might argue no author), but whether my novel has been a success depends on the perspective. So, at the top level we could perhaps argue that for a novel to be successful it must have become a best-seller, perhaps with the film rights bought by a production company. Unity has sold fewer than 150 copies in a year (pass me the tissues…) and nobody has beaten a path to my door for the rights to it, so in that respect it has been a miserable failure.

Another benchmark would be that an established publisher picked it up and is now promoting it to booksellers and libraries throughout the land, with a generous advance to me to write a sequel. The publisher has organized a number of launches and signings, and I am in demand by all the literary supplements for interviews and profile pieces. Spoiler alert: I don’t have a publisher. I self-published, so no speaking tour or interviews, and no profile pieces. And I can’t afford any paid promotion. Success? Nope.

It’s about here that Gandalf, his bushy eyebrows arching together, would ask: “Or do you mean it’s successful because those who’ve read it have enjoyed it?” Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. By all accounts – and I mean verifiable feedback: reviews and ratings on both Amazon and Goodreads, along with direct emails and feedback to me personally – Unity has been successful. Those who’ve read it have enjoyed it (or for some reason been too scared to tell me they haven’t).

Ah yes, you ask, but are we talking hundreds of reviews and ratings? Because that would be a measure of success surely. Er, no. At time of writing there are 14 ratings and ten reviews on Amazon (but averaging 4.8 out of 5), and nine ratings with five reviews on Goodreads (all five stars). In terms of the quality of feedback then, yes Unity is a successful novel. In respect of the quantity? No, still struggling.

But what about peer endorsements? Established novelists usually have another famous author endorsing their books on the front cover, which gives confidence to the potential reader. If Ian Rankin says of Mick Herron’s Spook Street that it’s “A terrific spy novel” (which he does) then for Ian Rankin fans that’s all they need to check out Herron’s works. Did Unity receive any famous endorsements?

Well, actually, yes. Veteran actor Derren Nesbitt (Where Eagles Dare, The Prisoner, Special Branch, etc.) liked it and said I was “a very fine writer.” (Some may know that Unity has a tie-in to the enigmatic ’60s British TV series The Prisoner and Nesbitt was one of the guest stars). And David Pinner, author of Ritual on which the cult film The Wicker Man is based, calls Unity “a fine thriller.”

Successful endorsements? Yes and no. If Unity was widely available in bookshops and people saw those endorsements on the cover they might well be encouraged to purchase. But it’s not. So, lovely though the endorsements are, it’s like shouting them into the darkness and not even hearing an echo. But I’ve got them, so at least that’s something.

But about now Gandalf would be going, “Hrumph,” and snapping the reins to get his horse and cart moving along with some haste.

Am I despondent? Do I feel writing Unity was all a waste of time? Am I giving up writing altogether? You’d be entitled to ask given that so few copies have sold and considering all the energy I put into it. But for those of you with a bad case of schadenfreude, bad luck; no I’m not giving up, and here’s why…

I learned a lot about writing when I authored Unity. I unashamedly mimicked some of my favourite authors, emulating their writing styles and being inspired by their use of language. Not for a moment is this plagiarism; I am talking about being inspired by other authors, not pinching story lines, paragraphs or whole pages from them. I believe the quality of my writing improved as a result. That’s a success, and I enjoyed writing the book. Yay, high-fives all round.

When the book was in its final draft form I managed to cobble together a ‘focus group’ of 12 pre-readers who agreed to read it and provide me feedback, both in terms of the story and the grammar, spelling etc. As a result, I was able to tweak the narrative appropriately before release and fix most of the errors; any remaining are entirely my fault. How is that a success? Well, I didn’t have to pay for an editor (which I couldn’t afford anyway) and it helped confirm for me that the story was actually okay; independent readers told me so.

And finally, I successfully self-published Unity using Amazon KDP – Kindle Direct Publishing – a platform for authors to get their works published and available globally at virtually no cost. I designed and created my own cover, uploaded and formatted the manuscript, and proofed everything before hitting the “Publish” button. Hey presto, the book was born.

There are no vast stocks of Unity sitting in a warehouse somewhere, costing me storage fees; Amazon KDP makes the eBook version available for instant download, while the paperback and hardback versions are available on a print-on-demand basis, something that still gobsmacks me to this day. I recently ordered ten copies and they arrived within seven days. I don’t know how they do it.

I know of authors who can’t negotiate the mechanics of publishing with KDP and who pay “experts” a lot of money to do it for them. In that respect, I regard having done it by myself an achievement.

But beyond all of that, I wrote a spy novel. It might not win the Booker, it might not be a best-seller, and it might not even be in the shops. The thing is: I did it.

Success.

(Find out more about Unity: Peace for All, Freedom for None at www.unitystory.com)